My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
