I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Randomize
