it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
