im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
