i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
