Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
