You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
