yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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