Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
