So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize