Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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