Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
