turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
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