thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
