Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
