Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
