Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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