She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
