this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
