i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Randomize
