I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
