i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
