Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
