Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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