there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
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