Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
