we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
