I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
accomplished twins. life is a go
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
