I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
