You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
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my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
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I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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