if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
