So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
