the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
