Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
