she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
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That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
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Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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