another moral hangover. fuck.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
So squirting runs in the family.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
