He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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