Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
