we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
