Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
