I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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