now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize