I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize