kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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