My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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