uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
