i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
