He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
