Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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