I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize