The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
