It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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