Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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