I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Blood and glitter go together right?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
