When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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