defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
