Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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