As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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