i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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