Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i drank out of a bidet.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
