I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
