he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
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Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
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