Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
