i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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