Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
