his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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