The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
