he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
