im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize