every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
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