dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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