It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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