your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Sponge bath it is.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
