Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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