So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
NoShamevember. You game?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
