It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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