He asked me if I "almost moaned"
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
