My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
