i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
