What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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