in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
