U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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