His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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