sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
